physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
