Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
