I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
