So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
