i may or may not be watching the land before time
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
