my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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