help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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