birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
