ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
