Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
