College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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