I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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