Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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