The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
