From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
