You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
