I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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