I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Randomize
