You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
