ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
