Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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