i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
