I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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