Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize