There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
