I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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