We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
