so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
