i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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