Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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