I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
