come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
