We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
