We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
