I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
