i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
