I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
