Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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