burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
