just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
