I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
