My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
