Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
There r osticjed everywhere
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
