I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize