I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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