Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
