Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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