I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
