you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
