Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize