I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
