were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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