In the future we'll all be gay
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
