bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
