he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
