I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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