she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
