What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
