she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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