when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
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