Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
