Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
