The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
