Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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