I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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