moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
