I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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