I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
