Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
