My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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