If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
