Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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