I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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