The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
