Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
3 2 1 whiskey
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
