Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
