What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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