I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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