Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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