Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
